Mr. Crankypants here, Dan’s evil alter ego — back to educate and enlighten you. While Dan is too much of a scaredy-cat to write about politics, Mr. Crankypants loves to tell you what’s wrong with the U.S. of A.

Generally speaking, Mr. Crnakypants does not believe in conspiracy theories and the like, but the UFO crash in Roswell, New Mexico is well known to be true (Mr. Crankypants knows it’s true because he read it in a book once when he was ten years old, and he has believed it ever since).

Today, Mr. Crankypants received the following email message from a mysterious, unidentified sender (probably a secret government agent):

Many will recall that, on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed [It’s not a claim, it’s the truth –Mr. C.] an unidentified object, with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well-known incident which many say has long been covered up by the United States Air Force and the federal government.

However, what you may NOT know, is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months later, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Condoleezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all born.

This information may clear up a lot of questions.

Indeed, this information opens many new avenues of exploration. For example, this reveals that the cover-up is even more extensive than we had thought. Remember that George W. Bush claims to be born in July, 1946; Cheney in January, 1941; Rumsfeld in July 1932; O’Reilly in September, 1949; Limbaugh in January, 1951; Rice in November, 1954; and Quayle in February, 1947. Clearly, the alien conspiracy must reach the highest and lowest levels of government, involving falsification of birth and school records, insertions of birth announcements in newspapers, etc.

On the other hand, Al Gore was in fact born in March of 1948. Or was he? The falsification of records has extended as far as trying smear Gore with the accusation of being alien offspring! Either that, or he was injected with something that allowed him to create PowerPoint presentations on climate change before PowerPoint had even been invented.

Mr. Crankypants would only add that March, 1948, is the month the Hells Angels was founded. Coincidence? Hardly!