Mr. Crankypants here, with some moral commentary about the political scene. Yes, campers, Ted Stevens, Senator from Alaska for some 40 years lost his re-election bid and finally conceded defeat. This means we avoid the specter of an 85 year old convicted felon serving in the Senate. Which is probably a relief for Ted Stevens. What would he do, show up on the Senate floor in his orange jumpsuit, with officers from the Anchorage Correctional Complex standing guard over him? After all, he knows perfectly well orange is not a color that does anything for him. (And no snarky comments about how the only difference between Ted Stevens and some other U.S. Senators is merely that he’s a convicted felon.)
Did you notice that Ted Stevens almost won the election? No, that wasn’t one of Mr. Crankypants’s jokes — Mark Begich, the winner, beat Stevens by only about 4,000 votes. This means there are lots of voters in Alaska who think it’s OK to have a man convicted of corruption and crimes of moral turpitude representing them in Congress, a man who had to vote for himself (assuming he was stupid enough to vote for himself) on a “questioned ballot” because his legal voting status was in question. Either the brains of those Alaskan voters froze from the long winters up there, or they somehow think Ted Stevens would look good wearing an orange jumpsuit.
Humanity is notorious for putting foxes back into henhouses. We catch ’em with their hand in the cookie jar and we say, Hey guess you like cookies, well I’ll just leave that cookie jar right there on the counter for you. So what if all the hens are dead and the fox is picking chicken meat out of his teeth? –such a nice fox, and only doing what comes natural. We get all cranky an hour later when we find that the cookie jar is empty and there aren’t any eggs for breakfast.
Mr. Crankypants only wishes that he had been an Alaskan voter, so he could have voted for Ted Stevens. That’s right, campers, voted for Teddy Stevens. That way Mr. C. could have proved to everyone that Ted Stevens would not look good in an orange jumpsuit, because his skin tone is so wrong for orange. And this, dear friends, is the real moral issue to be addressed — as long as you look good, then all your moral turpitude should be forgiven.
Three observations:
1. Half the infrastructure of the state is named for Stevens. Voting for self(ish) interest isn’t that unusual. “Uncle Ted” brought home bacon by the boxcar load and a state that firmly believes that taxes are things other Americans pay to send to Alaska appreciated that.
2. AK is a small, politically incestuous state. My very close kin in Anchorage, one of whom has had some contact with Begich (at arm’s length) in Begich’s real estate dealings… is of the opinion that the mayor and now senator-elect may not represent much (if any) moral advance for Alaska or the nation.
3. Voter turnout in Alaska was low. My guess (attempting to squeeze an interpretation onto the facts available) is that a lot of pork-happy Republicans turned out to vote FOR their “unfairly” convicted senator (in porky self-interest) and to help keep the Democrats from winning that (and the House seat)… and even as a rah-rah for their governor. Democrats in the know… well, they knew that AK wasn’t going to go for Obama. They knew that was already over, too, by the time evening voting was going on… and stayed home, uninspired by Begich and Berkowitz.
Pity. But as I noted, it’s an insular, politically incestuous state, adn it’s almost impossible not to know the politicians personally or at second or third hand. The economy is such that they all know each other (sometimes in a Biblical sense…). It makes for politics that are blatantly more seamy than elsewhere. (Note, not seamier, just more blatantly so…)
Alaska’s populace also live in what could be called a true state of denial. They love to talk about how independant they are and their frontier spirit, but they live off of Govt subsidies brought in by Uncle Ted.
A population that far into denial about how much they need a government they so love to pretend they are independant of, run the risk of a majority of them being at least intellectually corrupt. Ted’s constant reelection pretty much proved that a majority were. The step from intellectual corruption to actual corruption is pretty small.
But then think about it….they elected Sarah Palin Gov. That says alot right there. You know, I don’t think in its 300 year history, my hometown of Philadelphia ever elected a Mayor who didn’t know Africa was a Continent. I mean sure…ignorant crackpots ran, but we never shrugged and elected one. Heck not even our state ever did that…and we have Klan members and Amish Folk.
Now we did elect one Mayor who didn’t know that C4 was a military explosive….
Chuck B. @ 3 — Good old Philadelphia. I lived outside Philly in the late 70s, and followed the exploits of Mayor Rizzo with horrified amazement — but at least he made sense to me, while Palin does not.
You people completely missed the point! This post wasn’t about politics, it was about fashion! Mr. Crankypants thought he made that abundantly clear in the very title of the post!!
As a Hong Kong tailor once said to a co-worker of my father’s;
“Short fat man should not wear double breasted suit.”
Um.
I can’t think of a better color for a corrupt old bastard to wear than international warning orange.
ALERT ALERT ALERT
Watch this bastard! Some folks will steal your car, but this guy will rob you year after year after year, and help others do the same.
ALERT ALERT ALERT
Felons lose the right to complain that that color just doesn’t flatter….