When we last left them, Batman, Robin, and Batgirl were about to be burned to death by the evil King Manasseh [cue dramatic music]….

Batman somehow gets one hand free,
Reaches his utility belt, presses
The Assyrian army activation device.
Soldiers appear on the streets of Jerusalem,
Commandoes cut Batman and the others free.
It’s another fighting free-for-all!
Crash! Ka-blam! Manasseh goes down!

Batman swoops over and jumps on Manasseh;
Batgirl and Robin put Bat-manacles on him.
“Time for Plan B,” Manasseh says to himself.
The Assyrians and Batman take Manasseh to Babylon.
Manasseh looks up, and calls on Elohim.
“Elohim,” he says, “I repent! I’ll be good!”
So Elohim lets him go back to Jerusalem.

The Assyrians groan, “Not again! Every time
We think we’ve won, the Judeans repent.
Then the guys writing the Bible badmouth us again!”
Batman just grinned : he’s got Batgirl and Robin.
Manasseh grinned too : the idols are gone;
Elohim gets bribed with burnt sacrifices;
And Manasseh still sits on the throne of David.

2 Chron 33.10-20

Manasseh became the king of Judah
When he was at the awkward age
Of twelve: neither child nor man.
He reared up altars to Asheroth,
And to Baal, and other idols.
What was worse was when he burned
His son. Old Elohim was pissed.

Gotham City, capital of Judah,
Is now corrupt. The Caped Crusader
Suddenly appears, out from his cave,
prowling the streets in his Bat-chariot,
Robin at his side, Batgirl offstage.
Manasseh doesn’t know what to make
Of Batman’s tights and weird mask.

So he hauls off and hits him. Pow!
Robin fights Manasseh’s wizards.
Wham! Batgirl swoops in next.
Bash! Ka-zam! Fists are flying!
But wait! Batman is tied to a stake!
So are Robin and Batgirl! They struggle.
Manasseh lights a fire around them….

2 Chron 33.1-9, with thanks to Erp and Jean.

Part II