Category Archives: Youth ministry

Welcome to a new blog

Jessica Rubenstein, the youth director at Winchester Unitarian Society, has grown her youth group from a dozen teens to more than 80 over the past few years. Her new blog gives solid, hands-on advice on how you can do the same thing.

Most Unitarian Universalist congregations are lucky to have 15 youth, so a number of people on the Advisor-L email list for youth advisors have been asking Jessica how she’s done it. She set up this blog to spread the word to a wider audience. Everyone who works with youth in a Unitarian Universalist congregation needs to read how Jessica has challenged conventional wisdom to keep kids in church — and attract new kids from the surrounding community as well.

Why church is important

Here in New Bedford, the anti-gay attack at Puzzles bar in the North End sent shock waves through our community. How could an 18 year old man walk into a gay bar to attack the patrons with a handgun and a hatchet just because those men happened to be gay? Right now, many of us in New Bedford are trying to figure out what to do.

Scott Lang, our mayor, has called on churches and other religious communities to provide better support to youth. I’m all in favor of supporting teenagers, but I don’t think it works quite that way.

First of all, research shows that teenagers who go to church are far less likely to engage in risky behaviors of all kinds. The issue is not providing additional support to the teens who are already coming to church, the issue is the large numbers of teens who have no religious affiliation to speak of.

Secondly, I’m increasingly of the opinion that the way we get teens into our churches is to support their families. In a recent article about ministries that support whole families (instead of just supporting, say, youth), Rev. Phil Lund asks a rhetorical question:

…Why are so many of our current youth strategies and programs focused on trying to put the pieces back together after kids are already in crisis rather than on providing the early and continuing nurture that will keep them healthy and whole?

Phil’s answer is that congregations should be what he calls “authoritative communities,” and before you get your back up about that word “authoritative,” let’s find out what Phil really means. Citing a new book titled Hardwired To Connect: The New Scientific Case for Authoritative Communities, Phil writes:

Authoritative communities are [multigenerational] groups of people who are committed to one another over time and who model and pass on at least part of what it means to be a good person and live a good life.

Authoritative communities have 10 key characteristics. Based on careful analysis of both the new science of nurture and the existing child development literature, the Commission on Children at Risk [authors of Hardwired To Connect] identified the following 10 principal characteristics of an ideal authoritative community:

  • “Authoritative communities include children and youth.
  • They treat children as ends in themselves.
  • They are warm and nurturing.
  • They establish clear limits and expectations.
  • The core of their work is performed largely by nonspecialists.
  • They are multigenerational.
  • They have a long-term focus.
  • They encourage spiritual and religious development.
  • They reflect and transmit a shared understanding of what it means to be a good person.
  • They are philosophically oriented to the equal dignity of all people and to the principle of love of neighbor.” —[Hardwired To Connect]

This might provide a useful model to us here in New Bedford: make sure our churches and religious communities function as this kind of authoritative community.

More to the point for my own church, this should serve to remind us why we’re doing what we’re doing. You don’t come to church when you feel like it so you can hear some good music and maybe an inspiring sermon. You come to church to be a part of a multi-generational community that is shaping the life of the surrounding community, by transmitting what it means to be a good person, and by promoting equal dignity all all persons as set forth in the Golden Rule.

Not that that is easy. But the more of you who show up at church, the easier it will be, and the less likely it will be that we’ll have another incident like the one at Puzzles bar. And no, I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, I’m trying to give you a good reason why you should get out of your comfy jammies on Sunday morning, leave behind the crossword puzzle in the Sunday paper, and go out into the cold to come to church. I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, I’m telling you that you really do make a difference when you show up.

Link to Phil Lund’s complete post

Workshop

Saltwater UU Church, Des Moines, Washington

Josephine and I finished leading the workshop at 12:30 today. We had fourteen people attending the youth advisor training this weekend. Now sometimes you get people at these workshops who want to work with youth for (ahem) the wrong reasons, but at this workshop everyone had all the right motivations. We had responsible lay leaders committed to spending time with young people, because they know that young people really benefit from the support of a religious community (and studies do show that youth who have the support of a congregation are much less likely to engage in risky behaviors). You couldn’t do better than spend a weekend with responsible people who are committed to doing ministry with youth.

I did have one disappointment about this weekend’s workshop, though. Josephine promised that she would teach us all how to play a silly bonding game called “Pass the Chicken.” But we ran out of time, and never got to play. I was crushed, absolutely crushed I tell you.

Bridging ceremony

Yesterday, we had a bridging ceremony here at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Geneva, for all those young people who are finishing up with high school this year. For those of you from UUSG who couldn’t be there (and for those readers who live far away), I thought I’d put the text of the ceremony up on my blog. If you don’t know what a bridging ceremony is, it’s explained below, in the text of the ceremony.

I’ve appended a few comments at the end of the ceremony, as well….

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Bridging Ceremony

UU Society of Geneva, June 4, 2005, 9:00 a.m.

Each year, a few young people from this church end their time in high school. Usually after they are through with high school, they head off to find a job, to join the military, or to attend college or further education. And most often that means that these young people move out of town, or have busy schedules that don’t permit them to come to church as often.

I believe our young people enrich the life of this church immeasurably. They bring their own perspective to church life, they bring their own talents and enthusiasms. Sometimes, they can help to challenge the assumptions of older generations, and that can inject new energy and life into this church. So when the end of high school requires some young people to move on, it’s a real loss to the congregation.

But it’s also a time of excitement. We are so pleased that these young adults are entering a new phase of life! They may not be around as much as in the past, but we want them to know that we will always be glad to see them here, and that we hope they continue to be a part of this church. We want them to know, too, that we will support them as they make the big transition away from high school and into something new — we will support them in their dreams, and their emerging new lives.

This is our chance to recognize these people in what has become known as a “Bridging Ceremony,” bridging the gap between youth and adulthood. And I’m glad the children are here to see this ceremony this morning — some day you, too, will finish up with high school, and will have your own bridging ceremony, and I want you to look forward to that.

To start the bridging ceremony, I’d like to ask anyone who, like Lindsay [Bates, senior minister at UUSG] and me, spent part or all of their growing-up years in a Unitarian, Universalist, or Unitarian Universalist church, to join us up here at the pulpit.

Next, I’d like to ask everyone who is still in high school, and those adults who have served as youth advisors, to come stand up here in front of the pulpit.

Now I’m going to read the names of those people we know of who will be ending their time in high school and moving on to new things. When I read your name, please join us up here at the pulpit….

[names omitted for privacy]

[minister turns to face those who are bridging]

Welcome to each one of you! We welcome you into the community of adult Unitarian Universalists.

Those of us standing here at the pulpit also grew up as Unitarian Universalists, and we have either stayed, or we have come back. It can be done! We hope you, too, decide to remain a Unitarian Unviersalist. Know that you will be welcomed into other Unitarian Universalist congregations, as many of us were — and if you aren’t welcomed in, you can do what some of us did and demand to be welcomed in!. Know that you will always be welcome here in this church — come back and visit, or best of all remain here as members.

[minister turns to face the rest of the congregation]

And I deliver this charge to all the adults in this church: whenever you meet a young adult who grew up in a Unitarian Universalist church, you have the privilege and the responsibility to welcome them here to this church — just as other Unitarian Universalist congregations will have the privilege (and responsibility) to welcome some of our young people into their congregations.

One last word to you who are bridging this year. As you know, I’m headed off this year to a new church in New Bedford, Massachusetts. If you ever find yourself in New Bedford, Massachusetts, stop in at the Unitarian Universalist church there, and I can promise you will be welcomed there!

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Comments about the ceremony: (1) The bridging ceremony took place as part of the intergenerational flower service. (2) Lindsay and I gave each person bridging a copy of the book, “With Purpose and Principle,” telling them that way they’d have a reference guide whenever anyone asked them, “So you’re a Unitarian Universalist — what does that mean?” (3) After the worship service, someone who is a twenty-something remarked that the comment about demanding to be wlecomed was appreciated — this person’s experience in two UU congregations was that young adults did have to demand to be welcomed, adding, “I haven’t given up yet on UUism, but sometimes it is frustrating.” (4) Our small sanctuary does not allow the elaborate staging of the bridging ceremony at General Assembly, but that didn’t really matter.

Maintaining contact when teens leave town

Phil from Phil’s Little Blog on the Prairie happened to be in the area today, and he stopped by the Geneva church to say hello to Lindsay and me. I told him how great it is to hear that the Prairie Star District of UU congregations (for whom Phil works as program consultant) has made it an explicit goal to grow lifelong Unitarian Universalists. We got to talking about how to make that happen. We agreed that one crucial moment for retaining young people is when they leave high school, and go off to college, military service, or the world of work. Often that’s when we lose touch with our young people. I mentioned three easy things any UU congregation can do to keep in touch with high school graduates, and Phil suggested I list them here on this blog. People here in Geneva have already heard me say these things, but other people read this blog too — so here are those three things….

(1) Include a time in a worship service in late spring where you recognize all those young people who are graduating from or otherwise leaving high school. You can have an elaborate bridging ceremony if you like, but here’s the simple ceremony I prefer —

Pick a Sunday in June (or after high school graduation) when you replace the “story for all ages” in the regular worship service with a short recognition ceremony (you replace the “story for all ages” because we want the little kids to see what they have to look forward to when they get done with high school). Have the youth group stand on one side of the church with the graduating seniors, and on the other side of the church get a group of people who grew up as Unitarians, Universalists, or Unitarian Universalists. One by one, the graduating seniors walk away from the youth group, are welcomed by the minister(s) halfway, are told that they will always be welcome in this church (and I like to present them with the UU Pocket Guide and a meditation manual), and then are welcomed by the lifelong UU’s on the other side of the church. The message is simple — we’re glad you’ve been with us, you are always welcome here, and here are a bunch of other people who have remained Unitarian Universalists just as we hope you will do.

(2) In the late summer issue of your congregation’s newsletter, place a notice saying that you will send the newsletter to every former member of the youth group, and request college or military mailing addresses. (Usually parents/guardians or friends will send in the addresses.)

(3) If you have a Christmas eve service, plan a youth group reunion. This is a time when college students are usually back home, and those in the military may get leave over Christmas. Reserve a room in the building after the Christmas eve service, or between the two Christmas eve services — supply chips and drinks — invite current youth group members (who may know the grads) — and send out invitations to everyone who is in college or the military, or who is working nearby. (This church tried this for the first time this year, and while there are a few bugs to be worked out, generally it went very well.)

So there you have it — three cheap, easy, effective ways to maintain contact with the young people of your congregation after they leave high school. And thanks to Phil for prompting me to post these three ideas.

This just in from the Youth Office…

The following letter was posted publicly on the UUA Youth Advisor email list. I’m posting it here for the benefit of many in the Geneva congregation who don’t subscribe to any UUA email lists.

March 18, 2005

Dear Friends,

The UUA Board directed that a consultation on our ministry to and with youth be convened. We (Bill Sinkford, UUA President and Megan Dowdell,youth trustee at large) were asked to serve as co-conveners. The first step of that process occurred February 25th and 26th in Essex, Massachusetts. We gathered thirty youth and adults from across the Association to outline a process that would help Unitarian Universalism redefine and recommit to youth ministry. Participants included youth members of the YRUU leadership, youth who do not take part in YRUU activities, parents, youth advisors, ministers, religious educators, and UUA Administration, Staff and Board Members. A complete list of the participant and their roles are attached to this letter.

Working intensively over two days with an outside facilitator, the group identified five priorities to be addressed. These are:

* Youth Ministry needs to be served at a more robust, flexible, diverse level than YRUU currently offers.
* Denominational youth work needs to serve local congregations and their youth ministry.
* YRUU and UUA administration need to define an authority structure that respects the rightful role of institutional youth and adult leadership at the same time that it supports the growth and empowerment of all UU youth.
* Anti-racism and anti-oppression work is an important part of youth ministry, although there is not only one way of doing it, and the “right” way depends on individual identities. We need to move this work ahead.
* There needs to be more and better communication among continental, district, and local levels, and within congregations.

Together, the group generated preliminary ideas for how these five issues should be addressed and who should be involved in addressing them. A smaller group was charged to synthesize the ideas into one coherent plan. This subcommittee will meet in late April to create a draft plan. Key stakeholder groups will then have the opportunity to respond to the proposal before it is finalized. The goal is to have a viable process finalized by August of 2005. It is expected that implementing the process will take one to two years to complete.

Information about each stage of the process will be shared as the work moves forward.

In Faith,
Rev. William Sinkford and Megan Dowdell

CONSULTATION PARTICIPANT LIST

Youth Participants:
Jova Vargus YRUU Steering Committee
Lehna Huie YRUU Steering Committee
Sean Fletcher YRUU Youth Council Member
Sean Jones YRUU Youth Council Member
Al Jensen YRUU Youth Council Member
Sara Eskrich Non-YRUU Youth
Dana Dwinell Non-YRUU Youth
Jessica Potts-Mee Non-YRUU Youth
Kelsey Pitcairn Non-YRUU Youth
Michael Salandrea Non-YRUU Youth
Julian Sharp Youth Observer to the Board
Brian Kuzma YRUU Program Specialist
Beth Dana Incoming Youth Ministry Associate
Megan Dowdell Youth Trustee to the Board / Co-Convener

Adult Participants:
Paul Richter UUA Board Member
Rev. Makanah Morriss LREDA and UUMA Representative
Mandy Keithan LREDA Representative
Janice Marie Johnson DRUUMM Representative
Emily Mitchell Parent
James Buckner Parent
Phillip Pike Canadian Youth Advisor
Frank Filz Non-YRUU Youth Advisor
Rick Roehlk Adult YRUU Steering Committee Member
Dori Davenport UUA District Staff
Judith Frediani Director of Lifespan Faith Development
Jesse Jaeger Youth Programs Director
William Sinkford UUA President / Co-Convener

Facilitator:
UT Saunders Independent Consultant

Logistics:
Ethan Field Youth Office Assistant

More on ministry with youth

What shape should our ministry with youth take? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot recently.

When I was in seminary at Andover Newton Theological School, I took a course on philosophy of religious education with Bob Pazmino. Bob contended then that if you really want to radicalize a church, you should work to get youth on every committee. I understood what he meant in two senses. First, by including youth on all committees, you’re brining new perspectives and you’re spreading power within the congregation in some radical ways (there are implications here for anti-racism work, by the way). Second, striving to become so inclusive that you manage to do away with the age segregation characteristic of contemporary society is in itself a radical act. On this second point, Bob, an evangelical Christian, would talk about recognizing that all persons are part of the body of Christ. I’m not an evanglical Christian, but I sure find resonance with my own theological notion that all persons, regardless of age, are worthy of dignity and respect.

As you might have gathered, I like Bob’s radical approach to our ministry with youth. I think youth should be fully integrated into our religious communities. I do have my doubts as to whether it’s possible. Sociologist Murray Milner, in his recent book Freaks, Geeks, and Cool Kids, points out that it is very convenient for adults to segregate teenagers out of adult life. As Milner points out, there’s no great incentive for adults voluntarily to deal with the sturm und drang of adolescence. Much easier to restrict them to youth groups or other age-segregated programs so we adults don’t have to deal with that sturm und drang. And much easier for youth to go with the flow of wider society, and not have to come face-to-face with adults.

But I’ve come to believe that kind of segregation is Not A Good Idea. It seems to me that one of the real strengths of Unitarian Universalist congregations is that they can be places where you can come into meaningful contact with persons of all ages.

I have seen two widespread models of youth programs. The personal growth model creates youth groups that look like support groups or group therapy sessions. The class model creates youth programs that look like a sixth day of classroom schooling. Each of these models serves a few youth very well. What I prefer is a model that recognizes that youth are individuals, that different youth will be best served by different ministries of the church — and most of all, a model that does not see youth as consumers of church, but rather that sees youth as co-creators of church.

Imagine that. Youth as co-creators of church. Wouldn’t it be fun to be a part of that church? I think so.

untitled

Got a phone call from M., a UU friend whom I’ve known for some years now. M. is a few years older than I, and we both grew up as Unitarian Universalists. M. and I haven’t talked in some time, so we talked about mutual friends. We were youth advisors together for awhile, and we both were a part of Liberal Religious Youth, or LRY, the old Unitarian Universalist youth movement — so needless to say, the conversation turned to the state of the Unitarian Universalist youth movement, past and present.

M. had a great experience in the old LRY. She was active in her local youth group, in district youth activities, and at the continental level. I was in LRY only a few years later, in the mid-to-late 1970’s. While I had a great experience in my local youth group, by the time I came along, LRY had pretty much imploded in my district. I remember two girls from our youth group went off to a district event, and came back swearing they’d never go again — some kid had brought a handgun to that district event, and that was just a little too scary. So we stuck with our local group, and ignored the rest of LRY.

We weren’t the only ones to have that kind of experience, and in the early 1980’s, LRY was gracefully laid to rest, and a new organization, Young Religious Unitarian Universalists (YRUU), was born. And YRUU did pretty well for some twenty years.

But recently concerns about YRUU have been arising. In particular, Bill Sinkford, current president of the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA), and Megan Dowdell, youth trustee on the UUA Board, held a meeting in February about the future of YRUU at the continental level. In particular, they have concerns that YRUU at the denominational level isn’t serving local youth groups as well as it could. You can read about this issue in the February, 2005, issue of the UU World magazine.

I asked M. if she knew anything more than was in that article. She didn’t know any more than I did. But as we talked, we realized we both had had some concerns about Unitarian Universalism’s ministry with youth. Nothing serious, like handguns, mind you — but somehow we both admitted that we’re not entirely satisfied with what we have seen going on in local youth groups.

Funny thing is, I’ve been hearing similar things from some youth, too. And I’ve been hearing a little more dissatisfaction from parents/guardians of youth. I’m not hearingcries of outrage — it’s not like it was when I was in LRY and the whole organization was falling apart. Just a sense that somehow things could be better. So I’m very curious to learn what conclusions Megan Dowdell and Bill Sinkford come to. Are they going to try something as big as the process that made the change from LRY to YRUU? Inquiring minds want to know.

And I realize, too, that it really matters to me. I had a great experience in my local LRY youth group. As a minister, I have come to believe that in many ways our ministry with youth should be at the center of all congregations. No pressure, Bill Sinkford and Megan Dowdell — no pressure at all, it’s just that what you’re doing is incredibly important.